Through The Cracks
by Samber
Summary: Series giving glimpses into the somewhat strained relationship between Severus and Minerva.
1. Return

**This is going to be a series of drabbley oneshots of events between Severus and Minerva, starting with Severus returning to Hogwarts as a professor right to the bitter end in Deathly Hallows. Some things will have my own little twist on them.**

**Please take time to review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter universe.**

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><p>A fine mist hung around Hogwarts castle the night that Severus Snape returned with a 'pop' as he apparated outside the school gates. It was dark, but the school shone like a beacon of hope, the illuminated windows shining through the gloom. Severus squinted through the bars of the the gates, letting go of the handle of his trunk as it bobbed in mid-air at his side, there was a figure making their way towards him, lantern swinging in their grasp. As they drew level with the gate, he was surprised to find the face of his former Transfiguration professor surveying him from the other side. He felt his chest tighten as he received a reproachful glare from the formidable woman. She had always been his favourite teacher at Hogwarts and to see such coldness in her gaze stung him greatly. He let his eyes drop from hers.<p>

"Good evening Professor Snape." She said, by way of a greeting, but the tone wasn't exactly friendly. She hadn't forgiven him yet for taking the dark mark and he felt his heart sink.

"Good evening Professor." He managed, as she tapped the chains of the gate with her wand. He felt like a student again and focused his attention on watching the great chains snake away. He stepped back as the gates swung open, suddenly aware of the lack of space between the two of them.

"Where is Albus?" He ventured, he had been expecting him to meet him at the gates, not Professor McGonagall.

"Professor Dumbledore is a very busy man, he was called away urgently on business." She replied shortly, looking him over once, before turning to begin walking back up to the castle.

"Oh." Severus followed her briskly, his trunk, which was not very full, floated along behind them. He drew level with the Transfiguration mistress as she stomped along, avoiding looking in his direction.

"He'll be back for dinner though." She conceeded, shooting him a meaningful look. Minerva noted the hint of apprehension on his face. _Did he expect me to welcome him back with open arms?_ she thought bitterly. Severus watched her as they trudged along, the glow from her lantern lit up her sharp features and he thought she looked tired. She caught him studying her.

"Do I have something on my face?" She asked harshly, feeling a twinge of guilt as he turned to gaze ahead once more, looking slightly embarrassed. It only lasted a fleeting moment though, before he fashioned his expression back into an unreadable mask.

"No." He sneered. "It's polite to look a person in the eye when they are speaking to you."

"I wasn't speaking." She retorted, somewhat childishly. Severus repressed an exasperated noise from escaping his throat.

"It's alright you know, you can say it ." He said silkily after another moment of silence. Professor McGonagall stopped walking abruptly and swivelled on her heel to face him.

"What?" She snapped, turning her searing gaze to meet his dark eyes, boring through her.

"That I was foolish, what I did was wrong, condemn my youthful ignorance and the acts that you see me as having been privy to." He said coldly, devoid of emotion.

"I..." She began, shocked by his forwardness. "You...what were you thinking?" She managed wearily. The wind whipped around them, making her shiver and as Severus's dark hair was blown off his face, she could see a haunted look in his eyes, laced deep with guilt and Minerva could feel some of her frostiness towards him thaw slightly.

"I was angry and disillusioned." He said regretfully, his face darkening. "But I realised the error of my ways before it was too late." He saw her searching his eyes, as if trying to catch him out.

"I didn't kill anyone, if that's what you're thinking." Drawing himself to his full height, he spun around quickly, robes billowing out behind him and commenced the journey again. Minerva jogged slightly to keep up with him, having been momentarily rooted to the spot.

They didn't speak again until they were inside the castle.

"Here are your quarters." Minerva said brusquely as they stood outside a portrait hole in the dungeons. "You'll have to discuss passwords and such with your portrait. There isn't much by way of furnishings left, Horace took a lot of things with him." She pressed her lips together tightly in disapproval, causing the corners of Severus's mouth to twitch.

"But I daresay you'll make it to your liking." She finished.

"Thank you professor." Snape nodded to her in a half bow as his trunk preceeded him into the room.

She surveyed him once more, this time noting how he didn't look much different from the skinny teenager she had taught not that long ago, _except for those eyes. _Eyes that had seen terrible things, that looked far older than they really should.

"I'll leave you to get settled in." She said in a rush and with that, she hurried back down the stone corridor. The young professor stood, watching her retreating figure in mild confusion. For some reason, he found himself wanting to call after her, but thought better of it.

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><p>After what seemed like an eternity, Severus finally took a deep breath and strode through the doors of the Great Hall. His apprehension at entering had been well deserved as he felt the atmosphere plummeting, he could literally feel the temperature change as he approached the long staff table, glancing up at the ceiling in which grey clouds swirled menacingly, matching the mood of the occupants no doubt.<p>

He had thought he'd be frowned upon, feeling the eyes of his old teachers, turned colleagues boring into him as he moved through hall, his footsteps echoing eerily due to the lack of people as the students hadn't arrived yet. He had spent a long time pacing his new quarters mustering up the strength to come, he had almost chickened out and run back to his rooms on the way, but that was not Snape like and he would have disappointed Dumbledore if he had not shown up for his first meal at the school.

As he drew level at the table, he could see the various faces, mostly all displaying accusatory looks and glares. Curiously, Sybil Trelawny, still wearing those same enormous glasses he remembered from his time as a student, making her eyes appear bulbous, was looking quite anxious at his appearance in the hall. A sharp cough cut through the silence, making Sybil jump, and she was elbowed sharply by a female teacher who Severus did not recognise. As he continued, he found himself stopping at Minerva's seat, breath hitching in is throat as she softened her expression. He made to move on, but she grasped his wrist, forcing him to look at her once more.

"Give them…us some time Severus." she crooned. He felt his chest tighten again as she squeezed his hand slightly before releasing it. Nodding, he took a seat on the other side of Dumbledore, who was the only other person not looking at him disapprovingly. He stiffened slightly as he felt Albus pat him on the back in a fatherly gesture, but seeing that none of the rest of the staff were paying him anymore attention, he relaxed again.

As Dumbledore began addressing the rest of the staff about treating Severus with the right level of respect, he caught Minerva looking at him, but she quickly averted her gaze. He turned his attention to his goblet, hoping for some strong wine.


	2. Desolation

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed my first installment and added this to their favourites and put it on alert. I made a mistake in the previous part, which has been pointed out. I forgot that when Severus overheard Trelawny ****make the prophecy it was at her interview for her post, so she hadn't taught him when he was a pupil.**

**In this part, we skip on to the death of the Potters. This is my own take on it, so Minerva is all too aware of their deaths before they take Harry to the Dursley's. This is a longish one too. I hope the portrayal of Snape doesn't ring too OOC for anyone, but he has just lost Lily. **

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><p>Minerva's panic increased as she ran down the corridor to Dumbledore's office, having passed a clearly distraught Hagrid sometime back, who took off in the direction of the school gates. Her shoes clattered on the floor as she reached the stone gargoyle, only to find it swing open violently to reveal an unusually emotional Severus Snape who hurtled past her and out of sight. Sparing a moment's glance over her shoulder for her colleague, to find him gone already, she hurried up the stairs and burst into Dumbledore's office without knocking.<p>

"Is it true Albus?" She demanded, clutching the door frame, her voice wavering as her old friend looked up with a deeply sad expression.

"I'm afraid so Minerva. Lily and James Potter are dead." She felt her legs give out beneath her, and Albus took her arm and guided her into the chair opposite his desk.

"I...I didn't, don't want to believe it." She sniffed, dabbing her streaming eyes with a handkerchief. She felt numb, she had loved Lily almost like a daughter and had had a soft spot for James too. To hear of their death felt like someone had ripped her heart out.

"Their son, Harry survived though." Albus told her gently, not releasing his comforting grip on her arm. "I sent Hagrid to retrieve him and take him to his aunt and uncle's." Minerva's eyes widened in shock.

"But how?" Was all she managed. How could a little baby survive the killing curse?

Dumbledore shook his head. They spent a long moment in silence, during which Minerva stared into nothing blankly, while Dumbledore watched her in concern. Eventually, he spoke again.

"I am sorry to have to ask this of you, but I believe Severus may have gone to Godric's Hollow, he blames himself for their deaths and he will do himself no good by being there. I would ask you to go after him, talk to him and bring him back."

Minerva stared at him dumbfounded, she had no desire to go _there_ and see the devestation. "But Albus I..." She began, "Why don't you go?" She asked sharply.

"My dear Minerva, I would, but I have urgent matters to attend to in the wake of this tragedy. There are several people I must liaise with and I really should be taking my leave as I speak with you now."

Minerva stood up, glaring piercingly at the headmaster, who looked at her imploringly.

"Please Minerva, Severus needs you." She stared at him for a moment longer, lips pursed, then turned on her heel and hurried out of his office, choking back a sob.

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><p>Severus had fled the cottage when he heard Hagrid arriving to take the baby away, he did not want to be found there. He had watched from the shadows as if in a trance, the shock of having found Lily's body lying there, motionless had been too much. He ignored the fact that he was standing in a large tangle of thorns, not feeling them piecing his legs as he watched Hagrid rushing out with the baby in his arms, huge tears streaming down his bearded face. After he had thundered away, Severus slowly made his way back into the wrecked cottage. He was not ready to leave her yet.<p>

Ignoring, as he had the first time, the lifeless body of James near the doorway, he swept straight up the stairs back to Lily. He had thought he had sobbed himself dry, but as lowered himself down to the floor beside her once more, he felt fresh tears fall. She was gone. Severus sat on the floor, leaning against the now empty crib, and cradled her cold body in his lap. He was glad he was alone now, he could pour his heart out without the cries of a young baby behind him. He let out another howl of pain, then simply sat and stroked her beautiful hair and repeated over and over again how sorry he was.

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><p>Minerva felt all sensation run from her body as she surveyed the sight before her. The cottage was almost in ruins, windows blown through, the door hung off its hinges, splintered wood lay everywhere. She noticed with a sickening feeling that the dark mark still hung ominously above in the blackened sky. The wind blew through the hollow, whistling eerily, and she suppressed a shudder as she picked her way up the path towards the obliterated door.<p>

Nothing could have prepared her for the shock of finding James lying stiff on the floor, his dead eyes gazing up to the sky. She felt a fist clench round her heart and a sob came out of her slightly parted lips. "Oh James." She whispered, crouching down beside him, hot tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry." Leaning over to close his eyes, she clutched her stomach, she shouldn't have come here, she didn't want her last memory of the pair of them to be their cold, lifeless, staring corpses. She wanted to turn round and leave now, she couldn't bear to continue and find Lily, but then, she heard a noise from upstairs. It sounded like someone sobbing. Severus was indeed here too.

Cautiously, she crept up the stairs, a feeling of dread pricking at her chest. When she reached the door of the nursery, the sight she found before her incited a feeling akin to being stabbed through the heart. Severus Snape sat on the floor, cradling Lily's limp body in his arms. He was whispering into her hair and sobbing uncontrollably. The last words she heard him utter served to twist the invisible knife in her chest.

"I'm so sorry, I'll always love you..." he muttered, before dissolving into tears once more. Minerva felt more tears spring up in her own eyes and was unable to stop herself from announcing her presence.

"Oh Severus." She whispered gently. He started, not having noticed she was here, and brought his pale, haunted face up to look at her.

"Minerva." He croaked, slightly shocked at her use of his first name, the only time she had called him anything else but Professor Snape was when she had been screaming at him for cursing furiously at a second year student.

"She's gone..." He wailed, unable to control himself for even a second, the pain he felt was so overwhelming.

Minerva came over to crouch beside the trembling man and placed a hand gently on his heaving shoulder. "I'm so sorry," She whispered. "I never knew."

True, she had known they had been very close friends at school, but she hadn't known he had loved her this deeply. That explained the huge wedge that was driven between them when she fell in love with James.

The cries of anguish emanating from the distraught man beside her and the sight of Lily's corpse in his arms were so unbearable that it was all Minerva could do to not dissolve into a sobbing wreck on the floor beside them too. Taking a great shuddering breath, she gripped Severus's shoulder tighter, trying desperately to avoid looking at Lily again.

"He said he'd protect her...them." He whispered. "It's all my fault." The pure tone of despair in his voice scared her more than anything. She never thought she would see him like this, he was completely broken.

"It's not your fault." She said at last. "No one thought he'd find them."

Severus buried his head in Lily's hair, and Minerva felt a wave of nausea rise in her stomach. She hid her face in her hands and they sat like that for what seemed like for ever, but was probably only a few minutes. When Minerva brought her gaze back to Severus, he was gazing into Lily's blank, green eyes.

She sniffed, drying her face with her sleeve.

"Severus."

He brought his dark, red rimmed eyes to meet her live, green ones. The pain she saw reflected there paled in comparison to what she felt. He had lost the love of his life. She extended a hand to stroke the side of his face.

"I thought I could help protect them. There's no point in carrying on now." He croaked.

"Don't you dare say that Severus Snape!" Minerva hissed. "There is every reason to carry on. Lily wouldn't want to hear you say that." She added in a softer voice. They both dropped their gaze to the brave young woman, who's body was curled against Severus in such a way that if her eyes had been closed she'd have simply looked like she was sleeping. Minerva leant over and gently closed Lily's eyelids as she had done for James.

"Come Severus." She whispered, standing up, clutching the cot for support, she held her hand out for him. He took one last look at his beloved Lily, placed a kiss on her forehead and laid her down gently on the floor. He took another shuddering breath, trying to regain control of his breathing and took Minerva's outstretched hand. She helped haul him up, but his legs gave way and he threw his arms out wildly to grab hold of the cot and Minerva's arm. Minerva surprised herself by wrapping her arms around him and they stood in an awkward embrace, leaning against the cot for a long time. Severus took comfort in the heat of her body against his. They were sharing in each other's grief and Minerva didn't feel it was inappropriate until the sensation of his breath against her ear elicited an involuntary shiver down the back of her neck. She sniffed loudly and broke the contact. Severus now simply had an empty expression on his face and she lead him to the door.

They made their way out of the house slowly, as bits of wood and rubble toppled around them. Once they were outside, Severus noticed for the first time that the Dark Mark still hung in the air. With a low guttural roar that made Minerva jump, he took out his wand and aimed at the offending image. A burst of red light shot out from the end, destroying the image, but Severus still wasn't satisfied. Whipping around in anger, he shot at the nearest tree, making it burst into flames. Nearby, a pile of debris exploaded, showering them with splinters.

"Severus!" Minerva cried. He jumped, he seemed to have forgotten she was there, so overcome had he been with rage. She stepped in front of him, grasping his wand arm which he had been holding aloft.

"That's enough." She told him firmly, her watery eyes wide with shock. This sight seemed to shame him and he brought his arm down. She drew her wand out to hose down the flaming tree, and brushed some debris out from her dark hair.

"Let's go home." Minerva said softly and, maintaining a firm hold on the broken man, apparated out of Godric's Hollow.


	3. Eyes

**Here is a little scene that happens two days after the previous one. The next one will move things along a bit more.**

**Thank you again to those who have reviewed so far. If you are reading this and haven't reviewed, please do so, us writers need to hear your thoughts!**

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><p>"And he said we should be celebrating!"<p>

Minerva McGonagall was currently storming round the staff room, inadvertently sending things flying with unchecked wandless magic, raging at a weary Severus, who watched her quietly from his corner.

"The nerve of him!" She screeched, as a stack of parchments whirled up behind her, as if caught up in an inexplicable whirlwind. Severus might have felt the slight tug of a smirk on corner of his lips at the sight of the usually calm Professor trashing the staff room. But he too felt the same sentiments she was explosively expressing.

He spoke up eventually as he ducked to avoid a flying class register which was speeding around at his head height. "Minerva, I think you should calm down before you knock one of us out." He said wearily.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" She roared. "You heard what he said! It was completely insensitive." This was accompanied by an almighty crash as the bookcase overturned itself, emptying its contents on the floor.

Severus grimaced as the sound penetrated his skull, doing nothing to help the headache he was suffering, which was increasing in intensity as Minerva continued on her rampage.

He had closed his eyes and therefore was unable to see the letter opener which was soaring through the air towards him. He let out a gasp of pain as it penetrated his shoulder and swore loudly upon realising what had happened.

Minerva turned around, appearing to have only just noticed the damage her anger had induced. Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw Severus gripping the instrument, hesitating to pull it out. The many objects whirling round the room dropped to the floor with faint thuds and tinkles as she hurried across the room.

"Here, allow me." She said gently, expression apologetic, removing Severus's hand. She removed the letter opener out from the wound, ignoring the glare she was receiving and drew her wand over the gash, which healed immediately. She realised that her other hand was still lingering on his. She looked into his eyes for a moment, eyes which were still bloodshot, and sunken, suggesting he had spent the last two nights with little sleep and too much firewhisky. Severus could see her eyes roving across his face and cut in as she opened her mouth.

"Please don't lecture me about looking after myself, you don't look like you've had much sleep yourself." His tone was flat, but she felt him squeeze her hand slightly. They were feeling more at ease in each other's company now after recent events.

She raised her eyebrow and quirked her lips in a wry smile. Withdrawing her hand, she turned her attention to the mess in the room, clearing it up and repairing things with her wand in a subdued manner. When finished, she turned back to look at the Potions Professor who was sitting in exactly the same position he had been throughout the staff meeting earlier, with his arms folded protectively around himself. It was the first time she had heard him speak for two days since she had brought him back to Hogwarts in a state of despair. She had however, spent most of the previous day sitting on a brick wall, studying the Dursley's with utmost horror and arguing with Dumbledore, but she hadn't heard him utter a single thing all day and he had been avoiding everyone where possible.

"That happens sometimes." She sighed, taking a seat opposite Severus, conjuring two teacups and a pot of tea, hoping to get the young man to come out of himself a little.

"But at least I didn't set anything on fire." She quipped, instantly regretting the comment when she saw his frown deepen.

"I'm sorry." She said softly, leaning over and laying her hand on one of his folded arms. "You were rightfully angry."

"As are you." Replied Severus, his voice not as smooth as usual.

"They're dead and he talks of celebrating the fall of the Dark Lord. And those muggles, he left Harry with those awful muggles!" She seethed once more, obviously still not willing to drop the subject of her fury.

Severus stared into the depths of his tea and shifted uncomfortably in his seat

"Is it true?" He asked suddenly. "Does he have Lily's eyes?" He hadn't spared the child a second look when he had gone to the cottage two nights ago.

Minerva nodded and Severus realised with a jolt in his stomach that she had brilliant green eyes too. He was lost in those eyes for a while, until her voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Severus?" She asked, a slight crease appearing between those beautiful eyes. Severus breathed in sharply, wanting to reach out and part her tight lips. But Lily swam back into his head.

_She's not Lily_ a voice said. Suddenly confused, his mind reeling, he stood up abruptly.

"Sorry, I..." He muttered, before turning and sweeping out of the room, leaving Minerva alone, wondering what she had done.


	4. Lilies In The Rain

**AN: This was the first scene I had in my head when I started this, I love the image. **

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><p>Severus Snape sighed heavily, his warm breath rising in plumes in cold air. The rain was falling in sheets around his hunched form as he simply stood, staring at the white marble gravestone in front of him, which seemed to gleam even in the bleak, grey gloom. He felt a tight feeling in his chest, constricting his lungs, that familiar heavy grief weighed down on him as he read the words carved into the glistening marble.<p>

_James Potter, born 27 March 1960, died 31 October 1981_

_Lily Potter, born 30 January 1960, died 31 October 1981_

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death._

He crouched down in front of it, not caring that his long cloak bunched up on the wet, mossy grass beneath him, soaking up more rain water. He reached out a hand to the sleek, wet stone, tracing Lily's name. His hand stopped at Potter. _Potter_, he thought bitterly, she would always be Lily Evans to him. He turned his thoughts to the inscription below their names. _The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death._ He knew it was from the muggle bible, but it sounded terribly like an ideal that would be taken up by Voldemort. He shuddered, wondering who had chosen it for the headstone.

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death._ He kept repeating it in his head. He knew that what it really meant was the idea of accepting and living past death. He supposed it was Dumbledore's idea, after all, he was always spouting on about how 'death is but the next great adventure.' He bowed his head sadly, Lily would live on yes, but only in his memory.

The rain was rolling off his nose now as he thought with regret how he had never gone to the funeral. He didn't think he could face it at the time, plus, he had said his comprehensive goodbyes to her that terrible night in the cottage. All the same, it would have been nice to see her send off, although, he would probably have been lynched by the likes of Lupin or Pettigrew. A burning sensation filled his chest now as Sirius Black pushed his way to the forefront of his mind. That filthy scumbag had sold them out, he had betrayed their trust and given Voldemort their location. He clenched his fists tightly. But he was not the sole player in their fate, he reminded himself, his heart turning to lead once more, he had told the Dark Lord of the prophecy. A single tear of shame fell from his eye and mingled with the rain drops on his cheek.

He didn't notice the rain parting around him until a hand landed gently on his shoulder and he flinched, drawing his wand with lightening speed, but as he looked up, he saw the sharp face of Minerva McGonagall gazing down at him from under a large, black umbrella.

"I thought I'd find you here." She said sadly as Severus stuffed his wand away. You see, today was the first anniversary of Lily and James's deaths.

"Sneaking up on people, are we now Minerva?" He muttered in annoyance. "Don't you bloody announce your presence?"

Minerva remained silent and despite herself, couldn't help a small smile from forming on her lips. She would never admit it to anyone, but she found it rather endearing when Severus blustered around like a much older man. And who else would find Severus Snape endearing?

Meanwhile, Severus was scowling at her from his still crouched position and wanted to say the words 'what are you' and 'smiling at?' but currently found himself unable to as sharp green eyes captured his own. Instead, he sighed inwardly and turned his gaze back to Lily's name on the headstone. Minerva's hand still rested on his shoulder and he wondered when he become so open with her and willing to accept her company. In the past year she had been his one confident. She had helped through the dark days following that terrible event. With a rueful smile, he thought back to the day when she had inadvertently stabbed him in the staff room. Ordinarily, if it had been anyone else, he would have jumped up and down and screamed with rage. But he had been so tired in every sense and it just seemed right to brush it off and let her help him.

Severus silently conjured a beautiful white Lily and laid it in front of the gleaming marble. The enchanted flower was able to remain impervious to the heavy droplets thundering down around it. Minerva smiled and conjured one of her own and bent to lay it down alongside Severus's. They stood up together and Minerva covered him with the umbrella once more.

"You'll catch your death out here." She quipped, watching as his bedraggled hair dripped onto his shoulders.

"Where would I be without you clucking around me like a mother hen?" He commented dryly, smirking. "I should have been harsher on you when you stabbed me with that letter opener." He said, grinning boyishly as he did so, a sight which both took Minerva by surprise and warmed her heart to see. She didn't comment on the incident, but on something else which would change them forever.

"I think I would like to see you smile like that again." She murmured, taking a closer step to him. She tentatively reached out with her free hand and wiped the rain water from his cheek with her thumb. Severus, still feeling the pain at his loss, relished the touch and craved for more. His eyes fluttered closed.

"You never have to suffer alone you know." She whispered. Severus opened his eyes, a deep longing in them, he put a finger to her lips. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, lost in each other's sadness, hopes and longing.

Then Severus leant in and engulfed Minerva's lips with his own. He had wanted to do it for so long, and felt her deepen the kiss, bringing a small moan from deep inside him. But that nagging image of Lily flooded his mind once more and he suddenly felt as if he was betraying her memory. He broke away suddenly from the glorious moment and Minerva looked briefly hurt. At a loss for words and in desperation, he glanced back at the lilies in the rain. Minerva seemed to understand however and sighed. Nevertheless, her tone was unhappy when she spoke.

"When you can let go, you'll find yourself more willing to take a risk." She said

Severus felt himself feeling a little stung at the comment, but knew it was true. The rain continued to lash around them as they maintained a silent vigil in the cemetery with heavy hearts.


End file.
